who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
