Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
