I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
