i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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