Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
