I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
