i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
