Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
