one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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