He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
