Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
