I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
And then my night got REAL pukey
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
