I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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