After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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