I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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