Betty ford says i'm here all night
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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