In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
