I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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