sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
