I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
