My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
