Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I wish they made helmets for livers.
did i walk over a car last night?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
