its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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