just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm bleeding and have questions
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