Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
It was confusing and full of hummus
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
