it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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