I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Randomize
