thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
