On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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