I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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