I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
