Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
