somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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