I want to have your abortion
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
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