Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
