this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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