So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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