Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
