wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
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