Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She told me I should be a condom model.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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