Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
