youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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