If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
