Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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