I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
