Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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