Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
