i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
me + whiskey = a bad person
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
