Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I forget how to act sober
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