love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
