I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
