I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
