I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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