i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
